I think I'm officially too old for the MTV Movie Awards. Truth be told, though, I'm pretty sure that 90% of the audience (excluding the Twilight cast and Zac Efron) were past viewing prime. How did I know that I was too old? Even with the incessant swearing, the bright, flashing lights, the hot teeny-bopper stars, I was bored. Here's the benchmark: if you joined in when Peter Facinelli sang the now-retired MTV theme song, this year's awards show was probably not for you.
If this photo doesn't make your panties moist, you're too old for the MTV Movie Awards.
Regardless, here is what I thought:
- Tom Cruise as Les Grossman. He was the best part of Tropic Thunder, and the most entertaining part of the MTV Movie Awards. He’s also surprisingly lithe.
- Aziz Ansari’s explanation of the Twilight movies. Best line: “He bends down to propose and the werewolf’s balls are on his shoulder.”
- I know it was ridiculous, but I liked the Kiss Cam. Of course, I go to 3,000 hockey games a year, and so that probably had something to do with it.
- The boys in Stunt Kidz were ridiculously cute. Plus, the guy in the background had a BU shirt on. Way to give props, my man.
- They totally stole the Sandra Bullock tribute from the Oscars, and I totally loved it.
- Kyle stopped watching at 8:19pm after Kristen Stewart gave her speech. That “baffled and awkward” business was cute two years ago. At some point, she has to get her shit together - or at least act like it. She is, in fact, an actress. See how Anna Kendrick said thank you? Take notes, Kristen. And why did Robert Pattinson have his foot up on his chair the entire evening
- I can’t just make fun of KStew – all of the speeches have gone straight downhill in the past few years. Remember Jim Carrey’s old speeches? Those were the good ol’ days. Now they are just short and uncomfortable. The only good one was when Aziz Ansari accepted an award as Taavon on behalf of Zach Galifanakis. However and…
- Fortunately for us all, there were only – what – 6 awards given out? Which makes sense, because it’s an awards show.
- The MTV Movie Awards are the tight-rolled jeans of the award shows. The only way they can get celebrities there is to let them know that they have won the award in advance. Which means they get one celebrity for each award (or in the case of this year, they get the cast of Twilight). Which means they need to fill the seats with C- and D-List MTV “stars.” When Snookie and Paris Hilton show up at your award show, everyone loses.
- It’s sad that four of the five of my “Best” items had nothing to do with the awards or the award winners. It just goes to show that the MTV Movie Awards are nothing but an opportunity to parade around whomever is hot at the moment and allow Will Farrell to leave the house.
- Was cast of The Grownups there? Are Rob Schneider and David Spade under the impression that 14-year old girls know who they are?
- Was Puffy wearing a jean jacket over a leather jacket? And why was Sean White dressed like Tonto? And why was Eva Mendez wearing the discarded skin of the world’s largest blue snake?
- All the swears? Is swearing the new “edgy?” I felt like I was at an 8th grade basement party where everyone was trying way too hard to be cool.
- Will Farrell? Why?
- Are there musical performances not related to a movie at a movie awards show?